Saturday, January 10, 2009

I'm still here....going around in circles

Today is the first day in over a week that I've sat down to read any blogs. I decided to start here because participating in this group is important to me. I so admire all the women here. The first thing I read was Lisa's request that we all try and post more frequently. I know I am the worst offender so I've made a cup of tea and will now try and summarize what's going on in my head since I don't have anything particularly profound to discuss.

In the last few years, I have felt more and more like I just don't have a clue what to do with myself. It's not for lack of ideas...I could easily fill a page with things I want to do. I think it's about settling on one thing at the expense of everything else, because there are only 24 hours in a day.

Of course, the things that "must be done" come first, even though they're often the least interesting or fun. Then, there's a LONG list of what could be happening in my "spare time". Is anyone else drowning in prospective projects? I am, and it's paralyzing. I can't figure it out.

When you have a dozen things you WANT to do, why is it so hard to just pick one and do it?

Excuse me while a do a little brain barf here...because I don't know how to verbalize this eloquently.

Here's a (very) abreviated list...I want to:

get my hard drives cleaned up and organized
teach myself some new photoshop techniques
get to the gym regularly to swim
work on sewing projects I have started
start new artsy projects using new techniques I've come across
learn about processing raw photos
look for opportunities to teach aqua fitness
go into NY and see a friend
get out regularly for a photoshoot...then process the images in a timely fashion
get some long overdue letters written to old friends
post in my blogs more frequently
stay up to date with blogs I'm interested in
update my website

You get the idea.

So, where do I start? For me, a list like this gets broken up into the things I SHOULD do versus the things I'd simply like to do. But, that still doesn't get me much of anywhere. In the last week, I think I've touched on two. I have gotten to the gym to swim (3 times) and I've been out taking pictures once. Oops, I guess I should give myself credit for blog posting....I am writing this now after all. It should come as no surprise that I still feel overwhelmed. When will I get to all this and what should take priority?

Is anyone else like this? When it comes to allocating time to your true interests, how do you choose what comes first? I've become proficient at procrastinating it ALL, convincing myself that NOW is not the time to start THAT (whatever THAT du jour may be). You know, it feels like one ferocious case of ADD.

I wonder if this is something that comes with midlife. We've spent years working and/or raising our families and not prioritizing ourselves. Now, we have some time to do what we want to do with our lives. I feel the time ticking and I want to make sure it's spent doing something that will be meaningful to me....something I feel I'm "meant" to do. Lisa has done it....she's bought a resteraunt. Robin has gone to seminary. But here's Kat, running around like a chicken without a head, still not knowing what she wants to be when she grows up. Sometimes I think I'll never figure it out. How did you?


Lisa :-] said...

When I was "retired," I felt the same way. I had all kinds of time to do whatever I wanted/needed to do, but I couldn't get going on anything. I guess, for me, I have got to have a deadline or gun to my temple to get motivated enough to do anything. So now I have a restaurant...and at least it gives me a good excuse not to do anything else. I think maybe that's why I got into it... ;)

JACKIE said...

I'm not sure that I have. Yes, I'm between jobs right now. And I'm sending out resumes and the like. But, for the first time since I don't know when I don't have to do anything else. As in I don't HAVE to do anything else. I'm not taking classes. I have my own computers so I can handle all the resume stuff from home. I find myself at a loss at times. And chasing weeds in the mud.

emmapeelDallas said...

I'm a horrible procrastinator...but I'm trying to be more productive. I blame my ferocious tendency to procrastinate on the fact that I spend 3 hours a day commuting...

Kathy said...

Kat, if there was a short answer ... I'd send it your way. I spent years totally dedicated to home, family, husband, kids ... in whatever order you choose.

Then mid-life hit and one went off to college and one graduated high school and I changed jobs and thought I was satisfied.

I haven't lost hope or faith that I will find what suits me, makes me more satisfied, has me jumping out of bed in the morning, thinking, "Now! To that LIST."

In the meanwhile, I've tossed the list and I just do what strikes my fancy.

The Christmas ornaments? Still on the coffee table, although the tree has made it outside.


alphawoman said...

I am like Lisa, I need structure to make me motivated to do something. And, my Chirstmas is still up, but the ornaments are put away. (I love the lights of the tree and maybe I'll never take it down! Thank God it's an artifical tree because once along time ago....)